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[dragonspride]

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[blessedbymoonlight]

If Rosa hadn't spent so much time around Skieran, she might not have picked up on the emotional ques in Kain's draconic vocalizations. As it was, she could clearly understand the undercurrent of fear in his voice, fear of having displeased her somehow.

"Did you suspect that our liege lord was an impostor before that point?" she asked, and the smile on her face wavered. "Did you send me to follow Cecil because you knew that I was in danger, but you refused to tell me?"

It would certainly explain the quiet urgency in which Kain had spoken to her before, and his emphasis on the fact that Cecil "might be in terrible danger". Kain knew her too well, knew that she would protect Cecil to the exclusion of all else if she thought his life was in danger. He'd used Cecil as bait in order to draw her away, so that he could deal with his suspicions without her getting in the way.

That lack of trust again... It hurt. But she wasn't going to show it.

[dragonspride]

"...I didn't know." The waver hurt more than her being angry, and was enough for his posture to sink further, his eyes firmly on the carpet in front of him. "I didn't think someone could've replaced him without one of us knowing, but I didn't want to believe he would've grown so twisted as to order us to kill children. I - thought that I would have time to do a better explanation once I'd caught up, if Cecil weren't there to do it himself." And he had erred on the side of short and direct.

"I was afraid they'd have moved to trap you if you weren't out as soon as possible, and -" He shifted, folding his wings a little closer. "I truly hadn't been trying to confront the King - but I couldn't leave my men to be used in my absence. I knew we couldn't face all of Baron by ourselves; Cecil and I had planned to get you with us, away from the castle, then go to the other nations for aid."

[blessedbymoonlight]

"You could have talked to me," she said, her words sharp and silken all at once. "We grew up together, Kain. We've shared so many secrets with one another. And you didn't think that something like this was worthy of my attention? Did you think I didn't have my own doubts?"

It had been a subtle suspicion, but it was there, nonetheless. The way the king, once so frail, had suddenly regained his vitality, yet none of the white mages had administered any new treatments, nor could they discern how he had managed to recover in such a short span of time. Everyone had been ecstatic, had called it a miracle. But Rosa had felt a sense of unease about the whole thing, but she couldn't say why.

She listened as Kain continued to plead his case, her eyes as hard and gleaming as two emeralds. And there it was again, that chivalrous nature, that wanting to protect her, like some glass figurine. Boxed up and locked away, too fragile to be left in the open, lest the slightest tap shatter her into a thousand pieces. She couldn't help but hear Cecil's words echo in her ears: Go. Get off the ship.

So, Kain had felt the same way, all this time? "Why do you and Cecil always doubt my strengths? I'm a dragoon's daughter, you know this! The blood that runs through your veins is the same as mine, isn't it? I thought you of all people would understand that!"

She turned her head sharply to one side, her bangs framing her face, concealing the turmoil of emotions within her eyes. Her teeth were on her lower lip, threatening to bite through to keep herself from screaming.

[dragonspride]

Kain flinched, one wing almost shifting to duck behind it.

"I had - meant to, just - there wasn't time for much - if I hadn't run into him trying to skulk past to my men, and if it hadn't been a bloody Archfiend, I would've caught up to you before you even reached the border to tell you everything."

She wasn't as much of a direct combatant as they were, but he knew she was capable of handling herself. "I wanted to warn you because - I wouldn't have expected to handle that myself if they'd been determined enough to stop us from leaving."

He was the Lord Captain of the Dragoons, but he was one man, and could only do so much against an army, particularly when they had the rest of the Black and White mage corp capable of making sure he didn't get very far.

[blessedbymoonlight]

She chewed her lip so hard it threatened to bleed. He was trying to protect his men, his fellow Dragoons. But he didn't want her to fight by his side? "You didn't think that maybe I would want to protect them, too? They admired my father, almost as much as yours... Just because I chose the path of a healer over the Dragoon's path, that doesn't mean I wasn't invested in their well-being..."

Those young recruits were like brothers-in-arms. Though she never spent as much time in the Dragoon's quarters as Kain did, it was still like a second home to her. Those were her people, just as much as they were Kain's. Why should she be so excluded, just because she was a white mage? Was it because she was a woman? There had never been female Dragoons, not in her lifetime, and not in her father's lifetime, or her grandfather's...

Slowly, her gaze settled on him once more. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line. "Just what were you thinking, Kain? What did you hope to accomplish, standing alone against the king, Archfiend or no? Did you really think you could stand a chance against all of Baron's army? Surely you had some sort of plan of action, didn't you?"

Pretend to bend his knee to the impostor king in exchange for amnesty? Or something else?

[dragonspride]

He was still fighting the instinct to just hide behind his wing; there was a minute where all he managed was a couple helpless hand gestures and a recurrence of the thin rusted-hinge noise. When he did speak, there were more unhappy hand gestures going along with it.

"I had - I hadn't meant to confront the king at all. I was going to get you out, then - go through the back hallways, the ones that are empty at strange hours of night; give them some short order to get them out before anyone in the castle could react. I was going to get a high perch long enough to make sure everyone was clear, then meet up with you and them both to explain fully." He looked up at her helplessly; he hadn't been trying to treat her as any more helpless than any of his men.

"I'd been the one who told Cecil we'd need help from elsewhere, that we couldn't confront him like that. I didn't ..." He sighed, and there was a bloom of thin, translucent pale smoke. "I didn't expect him to be out in the halls like that. Looking back on it, Barbariccia might've caught on too late to stop you from leaving and warned him."

[blessedbymoonlight]

"Then why did you lie about your intentions? Why set my focus on Cecil, when you know how I feel about him?" Her breath hitched, and once again she found herself breaking eye contact. She stared at a sizable stain on the tablecloth.

Cecil...

"You said he might be dead. You knew I would leave right away. You were counting on that, weren't you? To keep me out of the way. To keep me safe."

If she had stayed... could she have saved Kain from his wretched fate? Could she and the others have made a stand, even against an Archfiend? Probably not, in all reality. But that didn't make her any less angry about the subterfuge.

"It doesn't matter," she said, and the steel in her voice seemed to lose its cutting edge. "What's done is done, and there's no changing the past." Her tone softened further, and when next she looked at Kain, the fire in her eyes had dimmed as well, replaced with something like disappointment. "I don't want you to just keep me out of the way anymore, Kain. I know you're concerned for my safety, but..." She shook her head. "You can't even begin to understand how frustrating it is, to want to fight and constantly being told to stay behind..."

[dragonspride]

The rusted noise hit a point of almost grating, and he shook his head. "I wasn't - I knew you'd leave right away but - I didn't know if he was dead or alive myself, what was I supposed to say? Would you have wanted me to tell you the King was setting a trap as we spoke and left the part about Cecil for three hours out on the road after I'd gone for my men?"

His wings drooped helplessly, his shoulders slumping as he dropped his gaze back to the floor. "I wasn't trying to keep you out of the way. I went for you first because we'd need you."

All of the list of reasons he had for her to be disappointed and angry with him, and the one she'd found wasn't even one he'd thought of before.

[blessedbymoonlight]

His confused vocalizations nearly reached an uncomfortable pitch. Rosa frowned, feeling her ire cool further as Kain presented her with the alternative. No, she wouldn't have been happy with that choice, either.

He looked so helpless, slumped on the floor, like a kicked dog. For a brief moment, she felt a pang of regret, for reducing him to... this.

And then she remembered her last moments aboard the Lunar Whale, where her memories went fuzzy and indistinct before she awoke in the pit.

"If you truly needed me, as you say you do, then why didn't you speak out when Cecil tried to throw me off the ship? You spoke not a word in my defense, not a single word. You implicitly supported his decision to have Rydia and I stay behind, like dutiful soldier's wives so that you brave men could rush to your deaths like the idiots you are!"

In her anger, she had forgotten that Kain had been pulled prior to that point in time, but even so, it still hurt to think that he would actually agree with Cecil on something so inherently stupid.

[dragonspride]

He did look up, with another faint flinch and a completely blank expression of shock; he had no memory of it -

Ship.

Something that happened after when the Fog God had taken him.

There wasn't anything he could say; he didn't even know what was going on, the entire idea sounded asinine, he wasn't sure where that would even come from or why he would've stayed quiet, but without it having happened yet for him, there was nothing he could say as to why or what was going on; he didn't want to think he would've agreed to something like that, even as broken as he must've been coming out of the Giant, but he wasn't sure how much faith he had in himself for that.

He shook his head, gave a weak, lost shrug and some thing that was almost an "I don't-"; then he gave up, burying his face in his hands.

[blessedbymoonlight]

That defeated look, that utterly hopeless defeated look is what finally broke her and cooled her anger completely. Rosa stared down at him, stricken. She hadn't... meant to reduce him to this state. To see him avert his eyes from her in shame dredged up uncomfortable memories of those moments when the spell controlling his thoughts had broke, and he refused to look her way. Refused to allow himself to acknowledge her, for fear of hurting her in someway.

She drew a deep, shuddering breath. No, this wouldn't do. This wouldn't do, at all.

Slowly, Rosa drew herself up from her chair and walked carefully to Kain's side. She laid her hand atop his head, fingers burying themselves in his silken hair. "Don't..." Her breath hitched, and she started again. "Don't look away from me. Please."

[dragonspride]

He flinched at the touch, briefly - but she was upset, and pulling away would make it worse, even if he couldn't bring himself to look up.

Her getting out before the Archfiends could've caught her alone and off-guard, even if he hadn't realized that was how dire the situation was, had been the one thing he'd thought he'd done right that entire time that hadn't involved just following behind being backup; he didn't know what had happened that he hadn't argued with sending them away, but he apparently hadn't.

The most response he managed was barely a mumble through his hands. "I deserve worse from you."

[blessedbymoonlight]

"Kain, I—"

This was why she had always tried to curb her anger, to hide her frustrations behind a smile, no matter how much Cecil or Kain might test her patience. If she let the reins on those emotions slip... then this was the result. Lashing out at those who least deserved it.

And it was in moments like these that she hated herself for being a Dragoon's daughter. Because surely that rage must be born from the dragon's ferocity. And she had never been taught how to tame that part of herself because she had chosen the path of the healer, instead of the dragon. Her only recourse was to lock that part of herself away, never acknowledging its existence...

"No," she said softly, her fingers combing through in his hair. "You deserve better. I was needlessly cruel, and for that, I apologize."

Rosa sank to her knees, her fingers brushing against his hands, seeking to push them down. "Please, look at me, Kain."

[dragonspride]

He only had so much energy right now for keeping covered, and after a moment of tension, he let her pull his hands away and looked up. It may not've been that comforting; he had his own bleeding weight that wasn't her doing that he'd kept better hidden - weeks on weeks of fighting to keep some corner of his mind that wasn't overtaken with every foul thing that'd ever crossed his mind, the guilt of everything he'd done while under that control - innocent deaths, Rosa, Cecil, everyone; the amount he'd had to throw himself into for distractions in the last ten months had made it easier to bury the parts that were broken down tired, even if he had pulled some threads back together.

"After everything I did..." Which apparently was under control or not. "I thought." He closed his eyes, almost swallowing the words. "...That you getting away from them there - had been the one thing I'd managed to do right."

He had wanted to protect her; it was a trap he'd known beforehand that even he wouldn't have gotten out of when it closed.

[blessedbymoonlight]

That was... "You did. You did do the right thing." She smiled, more for his own reassurance, than to cover over the unsettled feelings she was trying to bury once more. "You saved me from the Archfiend and granted me the chance to aid Cecil in his hour of need. And for that, you have my deepest gratitude."

She held his hands in her own, heedless of his talons. The fact that he could tear the flesh from her bones with a single well-placed strike never once crossed her mind.

"My last memory, before I was brought to the place, was of Cecil..." she paused. "...telling me to stay out of the final battle. It's been like a thorn in my mind, digging deeper and deeper, and when you didn't gainsay him, I thought that maybe, all this time, you—" She shook her head. "What I mean to say is that I shouldn't have doubted your intentions from before."

She stared down at their linked hands, her thumb tracing a circle against the back of his palm. It was shameful, really, how cruel she had allowed herself to become, all because she couldn't keep her anger reigned in. "You have my deepest apologies."

[dragonspride]

He shook his head quietly; it was an odd little war, between how angry she'd been and the litany of everything he had screwed up, and some kind of odd desperate warm puff from the first praise that somehow weighted as if it had to be the part that was true, why would it be anything else?

It was a strange sort of precarious, relieving balance and Kain wasn't sure if it was even how things were supposed to work.

"...How long was it - after the Giant?" He almost wanted to lean into the contact, bedraggled state and some nag of self-consciousness keeping him from it.

[blessedbymoonlight]

"Not long. After the Giant was defeated and Golbez..." she paused. Should she really get into all of this right now? Maybe the abridged version, for the moment. "Golbez was also being controlled, just like you. By a Lunarian named Zemus. He's the source of all the chaos in our world. We were about to embark for the Moon when Cecil—" She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "I know he means well, but just because the stakes are higher doesn't give him the right to tell me to stay behind."

Not only that, but his brother... his brother was choosing his own death. To die fighting the enemy of their world in a bid for redemption. And there was a small part of her that wondered, had events gone differently, if Kain would choose that path for himself. He willingly admitted that if he stood in their way that they should cut him down, and yet... he didn't seem to be actively seeking death the way Golbez was.

In any case, she doesn't want to dwell on such thoughts. And she squeezes Kain's hands, if only to remind herself that he won't choose that path. "Cecil was convinced that none of us would survive this battle. That's why he wanted Rydia and I to stay behind."

[dragonspride]

Zemus.

Lord Zemus.

The Archfiends had talked about opening a path for Lord Zemus in the Giant, and even Golbez had referenced it; suddenly the odd behavior of the one parasite made some strange sort of sense.

The more immediate concern was Rosa. And Cecil. He was still feeling flattened and foggy, but Cecil deciding that it was a death run -

Goddamnit hadn't he just shaken GINKO about resigning to death in the pit?

He gave a very tired, frustrated rumble. "I remember how much of a wreck I was in the Giant before I was brought here." And with ten months and more time and reasons to have arguments against just accepting death... "I hope you're planning on hitting Cecil for giving up before we even began like that."

There may've been a lot of things his father did wrong, but Kain did feel like he should give thanks sometimes for how hard "Death is a potential risk, not an acceptable outcome" had been driven home.

[blessedbymoonlight]

She couldn't help but smile at the frustrated rumble. Cecil had a way of digging his heels into Kain's side, intentionally or not, even when he wasn't present. And she was relieved to see some expression other than abject debasement on Kain's face. "I don't think he was giving up entirely, but... he weighed the risks and didn't think my life was worth the gamble. That chivalrous nature of his can be rather trying at times."

Well, only if you were a woman and the focus of that sort of attention.

"We'll both smack some sense into that fool head of his once we see him again." She squeezed Kain's hands once more. It was too soon to give up hope on the possibility of escape. "No matter how long we stay here, I will defy the will of the gods with every fiber of my being. As long as we stand together, we can forge our own path."

Her eyes burned, not with anger, but with unwavering determination. It was the sort of haughty look she threw at Golbez whenever he deigned to visit her prison cell, her arms bound and chained, but those chains could never bind her heart. No matter what sort of angry rant he spewed about destroying Cecil, he could never break her faith in the Paladin. And she refused to bow before their captors, even now. Not even the gods themselves would make her lose faith in herself... or Kain.

"Promise me that from now on, we'll fight side by side. As equals. As proud members of the dragon clan. Promise me that you won't bow to our captors, and that you'll fight them at every turn. And... should your resolve waver, and if you begin to lose hope," her fingers threaded between his talons in a gentle grip, "promise that you'll lean on me and accept my support." Her eyes sought his and held his gaze, steady and imploring. "Please."

[dragonspride]

He might've been better than the moment of leaking self-loathing, but he was not entirely out of having about the energy behind anything of a beaten rug; the frustration at Cecil was still worn and tired. He'd hoped, with everything Cecil'd managed while he was controlled, that Cecil might've outgrown NEEDING Kain smacking him upside the head occasionally when he'd become a Paladin.

Apparently not.

He was being fairly careful to keep his hands still, mostly because he was more aware of those claws.

On another day, he might've argued that he was fine, and had been fine for the last near-year; contrary spite and anger worked pretty well when anything more conventionally positive flagged.

Right now, he was a little too tired and aware of his own worn-through holes, so even if there was an uncomfortable shift, he nodded; admitting there might be holes to someone felt like making them more solid. "...You have my word." He looked up, still feeling flattened. "I did end up involved, not long after I arrived, but only on the edges of it - and from their actions it's a place I could easily walk away from."

Lying to Rosa about that, particularly now, seemed like a good way to get her ready to strangle him.

[blessedbymoonlight]

A Dragoon's word is his bond, her father once said. I would sooner break myself thank break a promise once sworn. And if there was one thing that Kain held in high esteem, it was his honor among the Dragoons. She could trust his oath.

Her relief was evident, even in the face of that admission. "So long as you don't swear any oaths to them, you can remain relatively free of their influence, right?"

The pacts between an Eidolon and their summoner was something at the forefront of her mind, but this world was very different, and these entities were not human, save one. And he was no longer human, and probably hadn't been for quite sometime.

"How," she asked, "did you end up getting involved?" It was hard to keep the look of mild concern from her voice. "And you're certain you can walk away from it so easily?"

She wasn't likely to strangle him, even if he did try to subtly shift topics. Lashing out at Kain and taking her frustrations against Cecil out on him had been yet another lesson in keeping her emotions concealed. She would make a concerted effort to keep her temper under control for a good while, at least.

[dragonspride]

He nodded. "I know that I can walk away because the Fog God still makes attempts to convince me to ally with her, and because the Fourth God tries to get a stronger commitment." If it were something unchangeable, then the Fog God would've just been treating him as a target, and the Fourth God would've been more confident in it.

How he'd gotten there was something that, in retrospect, he knew had been not an entirely well thought out idea. "The first I'd known there was another god was after I'd arrived - before any changes had happened. The Fog God had left out bait, but there were signs the local humans didn't see - to fight it. The messages and what was there were... more allowing of choice, and didn't seem completely unreasonable to what I was used to." It was the one time being used to interacting with gods had probably worked a little against him. "I learned more of what was going on later; there are reasons I've kept my foot in that door."

One of them was selfish and the other was a calculated risk on what he was fairly sure was more sound information than usual with his calculated risks, but there were reasons.

[blessedbymoonlight]

So, he was teetering between the two gods that were actively trying to annihilate one another. It made sense, really. As far as she could tell, the natives tended toward the Day or Night Gods, while the monsters appeared more involved with the Fog God and Fourth God. There was still so much she didn't understand, and she planned on spending time studying the lore surrounding the deities, but right now there was a more pressing question she needed answered.

"That's a dangerous game you're playing, Kain." A small crease of worry appeared between her brows. "As vindictive as these deities are, pretending to bend the knee for someone you have no intention of serving loyally will come back to bite you later on."

And Kain was the sort to break his loyalties before his honor. He'd turned from their liege lord (impostor or no) when he was asked to follow through with one too many unconscionable acts. And while Rosa supported that choice based on her own moral ground, it was still a precarious board they were on, and playing the game poorly could result in their deaths.

She fixed him with a knowing look. "I just hope your reasons are worth the risk, that's all."

[dragonspride]

He rested his forehead on the side of one of his hands, habit already having adapted to minding the claws. "That's why I haven't been bothering to hide that it's a matter of situation and necessity, not of loyalty - and avoiding more than enough tie to keep watch." The Fourth God was tied to the network; he might have things he avoided discussing on the network that he WOULDN'T want seen, but pretending to play along any more than he actually was... he'd learned better than.

And it was something he couldn't really expect her to follow without more of an understanding of what was going on. "The Fourth God began as a human child - his father was a scientist in this city. The man's disappeared since, but has gotten some short messages on the network around the Fourth God's ability to read it. They did something he now regrets; the boy came into half of the Fog God's power. They cannot strike at each other directly, and they both have limitations while it's split."

[blessedbymoonlight]

She settled herself into a more comfortable position on the floor, legs folded beneath her, and smoothed out the hem of her skirt (something scavenged from Seth's closet, no less). "You mentioned that before, on the... network. The Fog and Fourth Gods are fighting to consolidate their split power. And we're merely pawns on their board." She frowned. "They can't force us to fight, but they can coerce us to choose sides, offering tempting incentives, no doubt."

A deal with an Archfiend, to be sure. Whatever they offered, Rosa seriously doubted it was worth the risk in participating in the gods' war.

"So, let me ask you this," she said, keeping her tone even. "What are the boons they offered you in exchange for service?" She could guess it included the obvious: wealth, power, influence. But maybe... even more tempting offers. The chance to return to human form. Or even... to return home. But she wanted confirmation for her suspicions, and she wanted to hear it from Kain's own mouth.